The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
