He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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