we have pet lesbian snakes
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
