Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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