I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
