He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
