We won't sleep together?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
