Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
