so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
