So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
