Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
