I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
A+ Viking dick
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I enjoy the company of your penis
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