I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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