i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
