Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my shit smells like andre
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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