she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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