Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
