Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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