you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
