Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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