This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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