is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
