I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
