You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
