oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
