Midget sex pt 2 tonight
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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