I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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