I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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