Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
