Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
