He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
