my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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