I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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