Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
