Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My feet surprised me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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