i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
