so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
