I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
