He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
