The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
