I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
