When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
