PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
