I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
