Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
