Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
