If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
