His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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