pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
