evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think people are normalizing furries
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
