oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
