I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
